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©2018 BY THAT GIRL WITH BPD. PROUDLY CREATED WITH WIX.COM

My Experience With Antidepressants Part I

March 20, 2018

My Experience With Antidepressants

PLEASE NOTE: everyone's experience with medication is different, so please do not think that the symptoms I have/had are the symptoms you will/should experience. It takes a while to work out what medication is right for you - I still haven't found my perfect medication nearly five years on!

Since my mental breakdown in 2013, I have been on countless medications. The first medication my Doctor prescribed me was Fluoxetine/Prozac. I started on this when I had just turned seventeen, after being depressed for the three years prior. I started on 20mg, and was on this dosage for around three months. Now, bearing in mind (they say) it does take six weeks for antidepressants to start working, I gave it another six weeks to see if it started having any major affect on my mood.

At this point, my depression was still extremely bad. I had dropped out of college, and spent majority of my time lay in bed. This part of my life is a blur... which I will put down to the mental state I was in. I look back and have no clarity whatsoever on it. It's as if all my time just merged together and I cannot pick it apart. I'm unsure whether the medication I was on also contributed to this, or whether this was my minds way of protecting me.

After those three months, my dosage was upped to 40mg. I was still sceptical as the dosage I was already on had had no effect. If anything, I felt worse than I already did. I was perhaps, looking back rather naive. I was desperate to feel better that I wanted them to work right away, and was disappointed when they didn't. I felt lost, like a lost cause.

Gradually, as time went on, my mood did start to pick up - ever so slightly. I started back at college in the September of that year, six months after my breakdown had started. However, as soon as I had gone back, I started to notice my mood dwindling again, and I took three months off, in the hope that I could work on my depression again, and return to college in the January of the following year.

That never happened. I once again dropped out of college, and gave up on my future. I didn't want a future. I wanted to die. I was so desperate to not be here that I overdosed in the hope that finally, it would all end.

That's all for today. Until next time x 

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